Back to connection

Even at the best of times, when I think I’m most connected to my higher self and my consciousness, I get lost. I lose my way all the time, multiple times a day.. sometimes I become aware of it, sometimes I don’t and continue operating under the understanding that I’m connected. I still think I understand what’s going on, that I’m in control and I’m aware, that I’m doing everything in the highest good. Until I have that one wake up call, that I really haven’t been paying attention, thta I am walking around, more like stumbling, with my eyes closed and not interacting with daily life. That I’ve become closed off and unperceptive, that I’ve shut down. However, my mind is so great at masking this from me that I slip in unconsciousness completely unaware that I’m not longer lucid. It’s like losing track of yourself in the lucid dream, somehow you unnoticeably become part of the dream and no longer in charge of it. Life is like a dream, it’s pliable and willing if you are lucid, and it’s dense and muddy when you are not.

Last night’s tarot reading and today’s meditation brought me back to lucidity. My reading was extremely powerful and jolting to opening my eyes again, and taking a deep breath. My Judgement call came. This is it. This is my last opportunity, next time I slip away for a long time, I won’t come out. The calling energy is here, you either get on board or you don’t. This is the last opportunity. I must do all possible to stay lucid, to stay aware. So focus becomes on how to stay lucid, how to stay conscious and aware of my life. Staying grounded and staying connected, while still having to participate in daily activities of unconscious mind- as they still must be managed. Self care, in the most simplest form- early up, exercise, conscious presence in all decision, slow down, take time to be grounded, to meditate. When tarot cards start popping up and I’m looking at them with “big blank eyes” – I have no clue what you are saying to me- I’m not 5 of cups, or I’m not 4 of cups, or 7 of wands, or even 3 of swords- this is the biggest clue that yes, you are. You have slipped off, you are unconscious and the cards are mirroring it back to you. Denial will get you in trouble, you will further slip away. There is a part of you that must recognize the situation for what it truly is- looking at things you don’t want to look at, becoming interactive with all aspects of your life. Are you going from day to day “waiting for Friday” so you can do nothing productive, so you can “relax”, so you can “please” yourself with Netflix and ice cream. or will you do something worthwhile- like take the time to meditate, take the time to write and reflect. Keep up on the consciousness, checking back with yourself about being awake, getting feedback from yourself- sending yourself signals and responding to them- are both parts of your brain participating, are you aware, are you conscious. When you don’t want to do that- that’s one part taking over the other- your mind is allowing you to fall asleep and has deployed it’s tricks. “Ah, I’ll meditate tomorrow. Or, ergh, I don’t want to balance my bank account today, I’ll worry about it Monday”. This right there- should be your wake up call. This should click in your mind and turn on the defense questions: Wait. Why am I procrastinating again? Am I fully conscious?

Self pity is a slippery slope of the unconscious. Its a quick slide, it’s a quick ride to the bottom of fully unconscious. The victim mentality. “But I’ve worked so hard, I’ve cleaned the whole house today, I’ve taken care of everyone else today, I need downtime. I need to just “veg” on the couch and chill. There is nothing wrong with watching one movie before bed.” I’m at a point where this exactly gets me in trouble. One night turns into the next, and next and next… and after that I’m out like a light. No longer aware, slipped into “victim mentality” of I’m so tired, I’m so exhausted, life is hard, I don’t want to do this anymore, I wasn’t meant to just clean the house, feed my family and pay bills. I’m a spiritual being, I need time for me to read my cards… This is my slippery slope! It’s so eerily similar to the reality that I’m a spiritual being, that I’m more than a housewife and business owner. But the approach to this must be different! Looking at this resentfully, looking at this annoyed and ungrateful (looking at the murky sun from the bottom of the lake, through the water)- doesn’t paint a good picture. But reversing the role, by giving myself time to be conscious, to be up at 4am- not because it’s the right things to do, but because it feels good to be up with Earth and Sun, on their cycles, is empowering. It’s uplifting. I’m taking the time to remember my place in Universe, to take life by the horns and take charge of my consciousness.

My theme card was Chariot. Taking charge, taking control, being willful, being powerful and aware, lucid, the driver- the direction giver, the navigator of consciousness. Taking charge of the situation, rather being unconsciously drag by the situation whichever way it takes you.

My issue is unplugging from life and being irresponsible with my finances. Instead of allowing money to run my life, I need to make the money work for me. Making wise choices, making wise purchases- not cheap, not save a penny here or there- but in general being more conscious of what bills I actually have, how much interest is going somewhere, what useless crap do I tend to buy (aka coffee and take out). Its not about spending $10 for a dance class, it’s about the bigger picture- am I in control of my finances. Does the money serve me? or do I serve it? Its easier to roll over and let it take over. But its worth it to get on it, and ride it.

I struggle remembering how to best connect with my consciousness. I begin to substitute my spirituality with watching Gaia TV, or listening to other’s spiritual wisdom. It will not replace me experiencing it. I can’t experience their wisdom, because it’s not mine. It may make a lot of sense. But the best way is to do it. TO take the time to meditate. To take the time to write and reflect. Not for Ego’s sake (oh I’m so wise.. I have so much knowledge), but for myself, I’m not out to teach anyone anything, but to live my life the best way I know how. My ego needs to settle down. I’m aware of when it starts to get cocky, so that’s a plus. I get too worried about what others will think of my musings, rather than just doing this for myself. I try to make things too official- Let go of the concept that I have to fit it in any sort of a box, it is what it is. Any beginning is a beginning, it doesn’t need to be a perfect one. It doesn’t need to be beautiful and decorated. This is my story and I choose to write it however it serves me best.

My cards showed me the importance of not being lost in Ego land, the land of instant gratification, the wishful thinking, how important to just recognize that all prior mistakes are just water under the bridge, and I must move on. 7 of cups and 5 of cups reversed – their message is to stop dreaming, stop pouting, but pick up the full cups and move on. Cross that bridge, make that commitment and keep walking. Quit coming back to mourn your 5 cups. Live in the present moment. Let it be your departure point into the future, rather than living the past moment, allowing it to define your future.

What do I have to do to stay conscious?

Be on the look out for victim mentality. It’s not enough to just recognize that I’m thinking that way again. It’s necessary to remember that I can’t live in “tomorrow I’ll do better”. The saying “Now is the only time” must be felt and embodied. That means right now, right here I make the choice to be conscious. I’m aware of my actions, I’m aware of the bigger picture of why I’m doing the things I’m doing. I’m aware that I’m not a victim, that I’m doing this for myself, to better myself. By reminding myself that now is my time, I’m pushing myself towards my life path, towards the light. Take the time to remember that each day is the “Now” what I do “now” determines my future path. It is not about “oh I messed up, this will screw me up, I’m so bad..blah blah blah”. It’s about recognizing when you are no longer conscious, and gently lovingly push yourself back to the light, but reminding yourself “Now is that moment”.

When I hear the “mental fog” and things that I think I remember what they mean, but don’t quite “feel” them- let that be an alert. a wake up call. Let that be the perfect time to remember that “now is that moment” to go meditate, to connect with my own consciousness. Love yourself enough to wake yourself up.

Hermit is not about being left alone, or being able to relax, or being able to get away from it all. It’s about taking the time to plug in to your own consciousness, to access where on your path you are. Are you lucid? Are you straying? Hermit is the loving and gentle reminder that you need a re connection with meditation of being “present”. Not a spirit guide, or a lucid dream, or astral projection.. but “NOW” moment. Being aware of your body, being aware of your soul in your mind, being aware of the spiritual being that resides in your body and in your mind. Allow that spiritual being show you the way, light your path and direct you to the higher good. Follow it’s call, this is your judgement. Go with that energy.

Love and light!

Yulia

Tarot: When you shift energies

 

My tarot cards have recently taken over a great chunk of my free time, and I’m loving every minute of it.

I got enough courage again to read for strangers, and it’s been truly rewarding. I’m finding myself as I help others find themselves. What can be more soul nourishing? That’s about it for me. To be the voice of kindness, to be voice of guidance, to be the voice of encouragement, to be the voice of caution, to be the voice of enthusiasm for someone. It’s a gift to be able to give from your heart and from your soul. A message that comes from a stranger, in the words that you needed to hear, in the words that you needed most right now. Those words, because they come from a complete stranger, who somehow is able to see you so transparently and the energy happening around you, are a message of the universe. Your doubts are cleared, you find the courage to believe in yourself, you find a way to the path that you lost a while ago. I am at my greatest joy typing those messages to people, knowing that what I see will make a difference in their lives.

So for months now, I have been stalked by one particular court card, that has announced itself to me as “me” at my highest potential. The card would show up at readings nagging me about things I have been putting off, about my attitude or behavior, or any sort of action or inaction I have done, that didn’t put me at my highest potential. As a disclaimer, I have to say that I completely deserved every nagging reminder and every dirty look the card gave me, as it gathered it’s gang of supporting cards around itself. She has been so good to me, in the most annoying way.

I have changed things in the last few weeks, I live differently, I behave differently, I practice patience a lot more, I make time for things that matter and let go of things that don’t. It’s been a magical difference in the way I feel and the way I see life. It’s made my connection with Tarot much stronger and more important. Two nights ago (or about that) I had a dream where I literally FELT and understood that the nagging court card has left me as “me”. It was no longer my energy, I was no longer its essence. Instead, I was given a new card, a new Signifier. It was quite the upgrade in energy. That energy feels so beautiful, soft, silky and luxurious. Then it dawned on me, how differently I felt and it only made sense that my “old skin” was shed off, and I embraced a new one.

A change of signifier in readings was not something I really thought I’d get to experience, because I never thought that it existed. I didn’t even really use a signifier much in my readings, I just became aware that the particular Court Card was me through its behavior and I’ve used it as my signifier because of that. But then to experience that dramatic shift in energy and realize that the old signifier no longer feels right, and that the dream in fact was true, I did get an “upgrade”. That made my heart melt with joy.

A relationship with your cards is truly something special and indescribable. The cards laugh, joke, annoy and get annoyed, stress, deploy sarcasm, show compassion and call you out on your bull shit. They penetrate your dreams, they become another language you speak and understand, they become a different way of understanding the world around you. They allow you to see and feel energies, they allow you to peer deeper than you ever have before. They carry and share an immense amount of wisdom and welcome you to be its guest, provided you have set good intentions. Lying to the cards is absolutely pointless. They are always right. I, as a reader, can be wrong, but never them.  The amount of attitude and personality in each deck is so unique. It’s been long believed that no deck communicates a like and each is its own special personality. I believe that to be very true. The amount of sass a deck is able to give only compares to a 3 year old in Mickey Mouse pajamas. I’m grateful for my relationship with tarot.

On that note, I’m off to bond further with my new Signifier in an Imbolc reading (a day late) with a cup of chamomile tea.

Love and light to all!

How?

What would our world be like? If each one of actually cared for others? We say we do, we sympathize, we get sad, we quietly wish the other person well, sometimes we just look the other way, some of us somehow are able to laugh at misfortune of others.

What would it be like, if one day, you were walking down the street, saw a homeless person asking for money, and stopped. Because this is a person. Because he has a story. Because one day, long time ago, they were an innocent child. Someone along the way failed this child by not teaching them what it means to be a good person, didnt teach him how to care. This child was born knowing all of this, but diacouraged along the way of such behavior by sheer example of excat opposite.

What would it be like just to sit down next to the homeless person and ask “Hey bud, what happened in your life that led you right here? What was that turning point? What can I do to help you? I am a human being who sees another human suffering. I can not let it be okay that I just ignore that. I want to see you do well.” Yet, here I am, a hippocrate of a human being… or… wait, am I? I guess i am not. I dont sit next to homeless people, i dont help the more needy, those who lack it all. I help those who lost only something special, or feel they are getting lost, or recently got lost and dont know it. Hmmmm sorry, i digress here, but i geniunly thought i was not a good human being, and then it dawned on me that its okay to not be able help the most needy, I can still be a good person.

Unexpected side turn and discovery of my own realization. But, our world would be bright with happiness for each other, we would literally transform our way of existence. A tarot sequence jumps to my mind…tower and star. Here we are, at a dark time in history of humanity. Granted we dont think that we are. I think in our life time, its easy to be not caring because so much work is done through impersonal phone, email, text…not personal intereaction. A huge change, a shift, in thinking, being, existing, enjoying life is upon us. Right now? Boy, do I feel it, so immensly, so pressing, just just just about to burst. A beautiful beginning is near. But what happens right before a beautiful beginning? An end. Tower card. It can either be a dramatic shift, with a lot of unrest because it happened prematurely, not enough people were ready. Or can be a swift, smooth transition because you just understand this is the new way of how things will be. So you become the change. Right now. Allow your light to shine so bright that it catches in others. It is your duty. Lightworkers? This is a beautiful term. You light the way. You embody that change. You become so filled with love and light for life and existence and all others that exists. That others cant just help, but smile, that will be a smile with the new light, radiant, capable of shining bright enough to ignite the fire in others…and just keep it going. We are at the final push. This must happen right now, shine, shine, shine baby! Find reasons to laugh, to smile, to ne greatful, yo be appreciative, no matter the bad. Feel the glow of life sparkling deep down as you allow yourself to truly enjoy that emotion. Nothing is quite as powerful.

Lightworkers, this is coming out as a message, now is your time to be the change that you want to see. Whether one sees this or many. You alone, you make a difference. That means tomorrow morning, you start being nicer. You make the resolve to not be pissed if someone cuts you off in traffic, or tailgates a little too close. You understand that they are just another human being, who is so lost and confused in this rat race of a life, that they cant think of anyone but themselves. And instead of just judging it, or getting mad, labeling them an asshole, stupid idiot who cant drive, or any other creative name, you just forgive them and wish they will find a moment to lift their nose from the grindstone and understand what they are doing to themselves. Tomorrow morning, you genuinely wish your coffee barista a great day because there is not a reason in the world it shouldnt be. Tomorrow morning, you smile at the checkstand clerk or gas attendant and thank them sincerely. Because everyone feels honesty, and when someone is honestly noticed they feel their soul flutter and wake up just a little more.

 

 

Well..that was unexpected. I just kept typing because the words just kept droping in to my head. I was pondering on one subject and then it turned into a conversation in my head, and then a monologue that wasnt mine. That was pretty cool. I felt the whole message, its urgency and its force, its need tobe delivered and heard.

So…that means… transition is here, put your best foot forward and be the change right now, because the time has come. (Again…not me)

 

Oki doki then. I think i am going to think about this.

When universe has a message

So here I am, on my spiritual journey, learning the language of the universe through all that is magnificent around me… It’s been about 2 years since things started clicking and something activated and it hasn’t let me rest. A new fire burns inside, and it slowly is catching the rest of me. It was weak – in and out- at first, then slow and steady, then brighter and brighter and sometimes it would quiet back down to give me a break. Some of you may know what I mean by this- awakening of the soul; connection to the universe, realizing my full potential. It’s a gentle revealing of the beauty around me.

Through this journey I’ve read a lot of books on different subjects, there are many I still want to read. I’ve looked into energy work, got my reiki certification, I’ve looked into religions, belief systems and scientific understandings. It was all very relevant, and interesting but didn’t quite have that click with it. Somewhere along that journey I remembered about tarot cards, so I got myself a deck of RWS. I checked it out, opened it a few times, did a few spreads- was blown away by it, but eventually left it be for a while. Then I picked it up again.. this time I will never put it down. These cards are alive. They talk, they have character, they have humor, they have a spark. I am in love, quite literally. I have 6 different books I’m reading at the same time on tarot, I watch youtube videos, I do readings, I am constantly studying and working with them. They have shown me so much, the glimpses I get into other people’s lives are …. mindblowing… just how could they communicate this exact situation of a person I have never met? I stop questioning and I just keep working with them, learning to speak their language.

There is a beautiful book written on the language of the universe, by Paulo Coelho “The Alchemist”. This book produced a week long synchronicity event for me. All of a sudden I saw everything- I saw the pattern that I was living in, I saw the world around me and all its pieces as one and I began to understand it. I began to attempt to speak the language of the universe. My week was full of “coincidences” and beautiful omens. After that, somehow it diminished and I lost the ability to understand it. But I never forgot the feeling it created. I never forgot what it felt like just to be in the know and speak the language of the universe.

These past 4 days have been filled with strange coincidences, and understandings and I’m in awe. Last night I finally had a full on understanding that the universe is trying to give me a message, and I would just be completely dumb to continue ignoring it.

So to start at the beginning, we have been wanting to buy a house for a few years now, but it just hasn’t worked out, something always got in the way (credit score, no time, downpayment etc). We live in the Pacific NW, on the ocean, below sea level.. hello “The big one” – we’ll be dead if it happens, there is no where to run to. Nothing to be done pretty much. So I have been working hard at getting all the ducks lined up, and got my husband’s credit score to a good point, talked to the mortgage broker, found a possible home, investigated a few options for may be a manufactured home, a build-it loan, buy a piece of land. Here we were in a pretty good place, almost read to move forward, and I learn that Oregon Dept of Revenue got our tax payment about 2 days after the new interest charge accrued, but because it was only $80, they didn’t mail me anything saying that we owed it. I saw the check was cashed, I never got any mail- I moved on, like I do every other year. Apparently it crossed in the mail, and they filed a lien against my husband’s name and mine for the “unpaid taxes”, so I see a notification on Experian that our credit scores are about 95pts less than what they were. I immediately call and pay, but this is now on our records and there isn’t much to be done about it. So… we can’t buy a house. Okay. Fine. We’ll stay where we are. Wasn’t meant to be yet. Bummed, but not shattered.

Meanwhile, I’m doing my tarot readings- my readings are spot on for complete strangers, people are grateful for the guidance provided, it is beautiful and I really love it. Cards speak to me, they have messages, they make sense. Last Thursday we had a storm blow in our way, remnants from a hurricane, so we were suppose to have high winds, potential damage etc. During the storm we lost power- that’s about all for us. A small town down south had a tornado tear through it, and did some damage. The whole 4 day weekend, we got to spend as a family at home, playing crafting- something we never get to do, since we work so much. It was very nice. But we were couped up in the house, so we finally decide to venture out when the weather calmed down at the end of the storm. So we drive up to the beach, the access is still closed. The police officer, after some hesitation, lets us out on the beach. The first thing I see is this log jammed in the sand- all by its lonesome. Behind it beautiful yellow and blue sky, with a setting sun and white foamy ocean. It was breathtaking. Immediately I was struck by the resemblance of the log to one of my tarot cards – the Ace of Wands. I am attaching both pictures. So I go home, think about it, think about the card, think about its meaning. Aces are all about beginnings, Wands are a fire sign- so essentially a burning idea. Here is a definition from google that sums it pretty well: This highly action-oriented card sees you feeling incredibly inspired and enthusiastic about pursuing a new idea or project that you have in mind. You are all revved up and raring to go.

So then I’m wondering, what is it telling me to go for? I wonder, but nothing concrete comes to mind. That night, I’m awaken at 4am by ROARING thunder outside on an almost full moon night. (So this was a storm before the October full moon- pretty notable to me on its own). I have heard lots of thunder in my life, never been scared by it. But being awaken to something that literally sounds like the world just broke apart, my first thought was “it’s happening, earthquake and tsunami in the middle of the night”. I felt myself become terrified to the very core, fear literally taking over me in every way possible. Deep fear. It took me a few moments to realize it was not an earthquake, but thunder. However, those few moments lasted a lifetime. I saw my life flash before my eyes, my heart filled with crushing pain for my 3 year old son, for my sweet family, for all the days that we weren’t going to live to love each other anymore. That is pain that I never want to feel again.. I DO NOT want to be here, in this home where I KNOW I WILL die if the fault line goes. I felt this was a preview for me, for what it will feel like when it happens. I laid there, wondering if I should even get up, forever grateful my husband jumped out of bed to go get our son- (at least he will be close to us when we all die)- or if I should get up and try to scramble to get something on myself so I don’t freeze to death and try to make a run for it with my family.

This experience was core shattering. I also have to say that in the beginning of the month I had a VERY vivid dream that  I was at the beach, and all of a sudden earthquake started happening and water was moving in strange patterns, and birds became confused. I found myself grabbing my phone and sending “I love you forever” to my husband and to my mom and my best friend. Then I woke up. But those feelings were pretty intense. So in a way, that was like a 2nd experience of that feeling “I’m going to die”. A thought appeared in my head “Next time it will be for real. 3rd time is the charm”.

This gets even more interesting… the morning after the thunder, after we got up, I see a text message on my phone from my mom that says please call me asap. So I do, she proceeds to tell me that my step dad and her found a house in a tsunami safe zone, in the back roads, so it has some land and it’s currently being remodeled, but they already called about it and it’s not actually on the market at the moment, but will be soon. And they know our situation with the credit score, so how about they purchase it, but we pay the mortgage and all associated expenses, until we are ready to purchase it from them, but in the mean time we’ll be at least a little safer. The listing agent said they need to contact the owner and let them know they are interested, as the house was purchased as a “flip” house. To note, I have wanted a house on that back road, with some land on it so I can grow food and have chickens, and so has my husband. So I listen, which normally I’d tell them to just nevermind and not to worry about it. My step dad later describes this random experience as “compelled and he felt he absolutely must share this with me” and that they weren’t looking at all and were on a different subject when they stumbled on it, but it drew their attention to a point that they couldn’t walk away from it.

We go drive by the house later that day, no one lives there as its still under remodel. My husband initially balked at it, because “its too close to the dairy farm, it will smell like shit”, but turns out he was wrong, its far enough that it doesn’t smell at all. It is a possibility- it is acceptable location, decent looking. I leave it at that for now. Through all of this I still wonder what the ace of wands on the beach was trying to tell me, and how this “near death” feeling affected me. In one of my tarot videos (Biddy Tarot) I stumble upon October 2016 forecast, and watch it for the first time. Low and behold the first of the 3 cards is an ace of wands. The second is the Star. The message is to trust in the universe, get out of your own way and just trust and let go of the doubts I may have. This resonates with me to the absolute core. It dawns on me, how much more clear do I need to be spoken to before I get the message???

  1. Dream experience of the earthquake.
  2. I left this one out above, but I listed to a Kryon channelled message (randomly came on YouTube!!) about how this month you will start noticing synchronicities, and you shouldn’t doubt yourself  and just trust it and go along with this experience.
  3. A huge storm on a full moon weekend at the coast. (By the way, majority of the people envision the Big One happening on a miserably cold dark and rainy night).
  4. A very obvious log in the shape of Ace of Wands on the beach.
  5. Middle of the night “we are going to die” experience with thunder.
  6. Followed by a conversation about how my parents can buy us a home that isn’t on the market yet but is in the tsunami safe zone.
  7. The October 2016 tarot forecast video with Ace of Wands as the 1st card, and the message to just stop doubting and trust the universe.
  8. It is said that the feeling of synchronicity can never be relayed in words. But you just realize that there is so much more in all these odd coincidences than meets the words. 

    So I talk to my best friend about this, and suddenly come to a realization that the universe is trying to draw my attention to something, it is trying to send me a message. I didn’t see it as “whole” picture until I talked to her. Her approval of all these “oddities” was very much the last sign that  I needed before it dawned on me, how much more obvious can the universe make it for me. I decided my role in all of this is just to do as I’m directed. So the listing agent said to go talk to the people at the house and let them know we could be a potential buyer- so that’s what I needed to do. This was my role in this experience. So it would just be so wrong for me to not do that because of my concerns of feeling awkward and shy approaching a person… “hey, do you want to sell your house?”. 

    So to continue this…. today I draw a card of the day from my tarot deck before I get going for the day. At this point, I’m only 90% convinced that I’m going to go talk to these people and overcome my fear, so there is still 10% of me thinking “well.. I have a lot to do today, maybe some other time…”. So my card of the day is 10 of cups. This picture… well, it depicts a family being happy on a farm house under a rainbow. So after being awe struck by the card, and knowing the key word for it was Joy, I decide to further see what wisdoms it has for me in the book. I pick up by newly purchased 875+ page book (FAT BOOK) and it falls out of my hands. It drops open..on nothing other than a page in the middle that talks about the card of 10 of cups. The meaning in the book only further confirms that I need to listen to my inner voice and go to the house. I notice in the notes it says that 3 cards of “10s” (so like 3 cards of different suits, but still 10s) would mean its a good time to buy or a good

    time to sell. This takes my mind to yesterday when I had 2 “10s” fall out of the deck while I was shuffling for my daily draw. I was confused by the message yesterday… but today I beautifully see how it was orchestrated so I’d get the true message behind it. 

    So after that I feel compelled to drive to the house. Noone is there, so I write a note (thank God!!) and leave my info and what I want to talk to them about. I pull out of the driveway, look over my shoulder at the house.. and boom, appears a full beautiful rainbow over the house and the land. I’m awe struck. It is an image from my 10 of cups. Three seconds go by and the rainbow disappears. So now.. here I am. Waiting. Patiently, as the universe has its way, I completed my role, now I wait. I’m so awe struck by the language of the universe. Through all these experiences I describe, there are a a few very minor synchronicities that took place as well, to even create a deeper experience for this all for me. I trust you universe, and I am listening.

Tough transitions

Sometimes in life we have to make calls that aren’t easy for us or for those who are affected by them. Its not easy to make a stand for something you whole-heartedly believe it, and understand that making the tough decision is ultimately in your best interested and in that person’s best interest. That decision is tough because the first and immediate reaction is pain, hurt, stress and separation. The positive intention behind that action is the catalyst for change. It is with the hope that the intention will come to the forth front and shine in all its might, and will make that pain and stress disappear in time. In many cases people get stuck in the “hurt, pain” phase and never make it through to the positive intention; and that is the most painful to see.

We had to let a very good employee go. He has a world of potential in him, but he has some serious growing up to do for now, and during that time he has to be without us tying him down. Some transitions can’t take place while some enabling cords are attached. It’s literally a visual of unplugging the safety cord and seeing if the person flies or fails. It’s terrifying when you find yourself in the position of the one who has to cut the cord, or when you have your cord cut. My heart is literally aching for this guy. I hope he finds his path, finds his way, because if he does – beautiful things will happen in his life. I see it for him, my husband sees it for him.. but he himself is blinded. How terrifying it must be, and how painful it must be to be in the dark place, to have the cord cut..and to not believe that you can fly. Truly sending him the best energies possible to open his eyes and spread his wings.

This was a first for us to have to be put in the position to cut the cord. Knowing from our perspective that it’s the best possible resolution to problem, that it will serve him the highest good if he takes the opportunity to see it as such himself, but also knowing that by making this decision we are putting him in a place where he absolutely must take responsibility for himself. Even knowing that, its hard not to feel some responsibility for whatever may happen next.

From the perspective of “outside looking in” its not that difficult to identify the patterns that emerge in someone else’s life. Self sabotage is a difficult issue to work through as long as one remains unaware that this is indeed is what’s happening. Beginning to do that kind of work is a huge undertaking even for someone who is ready to face their own demons. For situations where life tells you its time to get your stuff together, but you haven’t mentally prepared for it.. its even tougher. Its like watching someone in the water, knowing they have to swim to shore on their own, but fighting every urge to throw them a life vest… its unnatural, but ultimately allows that person to get a grip …or sink.  😦

The other difficult part is knowing that I can help this person talk through some stuff, help them see things for themselves and get them started on some of their shadow work… but also knowing that offering my help is going to be yet another crutch, and if that person knows what they need to make their life better they will find someone on their own, or they will learn how to work through this stuff on their own.

On that note, love and light to you during this Mercury in Retrograde!

Enjoying joy and how to find it. Feeling emotions and present moment.

I love technology, but hate it at the same time. It is convenient and comfortable, yet it has a giant sideeffect: it takes us out of the present moment. We are not present with all of our senses in the moment where we exist. This minute just went by with you (me, all of us) holding the cell phone in our  hands, walking along with our face buried in it. You aren’t present in your surroundings,you choose to be present in an alternate reality of “phone world of Facebook and instagram”, or choosing to be present in the moment of a life of some stranger like a celebrity that just had a child. You are living someone else’s moments, because you are choosing to not be present within. After a while, this feeling becomes so comfortable that we choose to always be somewhere elese. We check out even in social moments with our loved once by diving into the present (thinking of today’s conversations) or looking ahead (oh I have to do this tomorrow, or I’m dreading that meeting). We ae so used and comfortable being somewhere else that we just change, we become distant, we become annoyed without the access to other reality. We don’t count the present moment. Right here. Right now. Feel yourself present through your body. Take your attention to your feet-what are they doing? Are they comfortable curled up under you like this? Are your legs crossed? Feel them. Feel your behind on the chair or a bed, feel it’s softness or hardness. Feel the muscles in your face, is your forehead crunched up? Right now, take the time to feel your body. Once you are done and are aware look around you. Mentally f eel each item in the room, become aware of its presence. If you have a pet in the room, tap into them-feel their presence, feel their love for you, their joy. Right now,here. Once you are comfrtable with this start doing that with people you love.feel your child’s joy. Feel your child’s sadness. Once you feel you will connect, you will understand them better and what they need from you. Or how you can help them feel and understand their feelings.

More and more you do it, you will see the things that feelgood and things thatdont.you will know when you will benefit from tapping into your present moment. Great tool to improve your daily life. Our society and lifestyle prevents us and our future generations from learning how to just with yourself.our ancestors had plenty of time to be with themselves in the present moment. Their values show us that. We can learn a lot from looking at our ancestors as we people, rather than ancient and not advanced. They were very advanced in the art of self observation. Then something changed.this change came before age of t3chnology, but didn’t affect as many. Once technology became accessible to everyone, we can observe the shift in global consciousness. I think many of us are becoming aware of something being off, but can’t quite identify it.we can’t quite put our fingers on it long enough to remember. Many of us want to wake up, but find it difficult. Truth is, we must learn how to make that change. Our future literally depends on it. We have forgotten what it means to not be a society, what it means to live for ourselves. Not in a selfish manner, but rather we live in cities where the pace of life is insane and we expect ourselves to keep up with it. You remember those peaceful farmers who lived and enjoyed life, until some duke or prince came along and said this is my land now, and you will work for me. But I’m off topic here, I have no political agenda, I just look at the situation from a big picture.

Choose to find the joy in your life. Feel your present moment and remember that all you have is now. Tomorrow is not promised, but don’t be scared of it. Just feel the now. You can pay attention to the scary things in your life or to the good ones. Somehow the good ones always get taken from granted. You don’t benefit from that. Recognize and acknowledge the good in your life. You have a roof over your head? Feel how grateful  you are to be protected from the weather. Instead of “I wish I had 2 bathrooms”. You exist in a reality where thesee two facts are equal in their reality, but you have a choice in what you notice. Which one serves you the most? Certainly not a useless wish. A fact that you are comfortable has more weight in their service to you.

Every detail in your life has the gratitude factor. Find it. Remember it. Feel it often. Tremendous tool in improving your life without physically having to make a change. When you feel grouchy, or frustrated but want to feel better and don’t want to be down: Ackwnoldge your feelings of frustration and sayyes, I feelyou, I respect that you exist, but I can’t dwell on you and wallow in you. I’m going to go wallow in something good because I want to feel better. And go through your gratitude list: appreciate your family members, your friends, your pets, your self, your plants, your house. You are showering not only self with that love, but them also.they will feel it. Howver, I should  clarify that forcing yourself to feel better because “you should” is just wrong. Stay present with your emotion, allow it to feel heard. You will know when you are ready to move on withit. If right now is not the time to feel frustrated (social event, or work) you can say, yes I feel you frustration, and I will give you my time, but right now until 5pm I need to be functional. I am not dismissing you,I’m postponing our encounter. And then do as promised, make time to sit with that feeling, it needs to be processed.

 

But if you learn how to see gratitude through its truest, honest perception your life will drastically improve. You just have to be prepared for that change and have it be something you are welcoming. There are a great deal of people who say they want a better life, but expect life to change on its own, without them doing anything about it. They expect to be handed something great, while they sit there and pout about what they already have. How can you appreciate something new and good, if you don’t know know how to see something good in what you already have? Teach yourself and then you will just encounter things that bring you joy, because you will know how to see it.

 

Love and light!

When someone says “I’ll pray for you”

Before my spirituality woke up, I got to be the most skeptic and annoyed person when it came to anything religious. I felt like people were pushing it down my throat, when in reality it wasn’t so. Someone just had to mention the words church, god, pray and I immediately when on defence mode. I never questioned myself about it.

Someone would say “you are in my prayers”, and to myself I’d think “uha..yeah..okay..whatever”. Why?? These people were giving me positive energy and I blatantly was too good for it, so I let it slide by. Now someone says those words and I heartfully say thank you and make it a point that evening to spend sometime just receiving the good energy that is being sent my way. Feel the love so to say. Opening yourself up, deliberately to the good is a great practice that immediately makes a positive difference in your life.

You just slow down and bask in all the positive, wishes, thoughts and love that just exists there for you, to tap into, whenever you need it. It is there for every human being, there is always someone who thought of you, wished you well..even if you are homeless and without a family.

This was a profound practice to me personally, feeling the warmth over my soul was calming and reassuring.

 

Love and light!