Back to connection

Even at the best of times, when I think I’m most connected to my higher self and my consciousness, I get lost. I lose my way all the time, multiple times a day.. sometimes I become aware of it, sometimes I don’t and continue operating under the understanding that I’m connected. I still think I understand what’s going on, that I’m in control and I’m aware, that I’m doing everything in the highest good. Until I have that one wake up call, that I really haven’t been paying attention, thta I am walking around, more like stumbling, with my eyes closed and not interacting with daily life. That I’ve become closed off and unperceptive, that I’ve shut down. However, my mind is so great at masking this from me that I slip in unconsciousness completely unaware that I’m not longer lucid. It’s like losing track of yourself in the lucid dream, somehow you unnoticeably become part of the dream and no longer in charge of it. Life is like a dream, it’s pliable and willing if you are lucid, and it’s dense and muddy when you are not.

Last night’s tarot reading and today’s meditation brought me back to lucidity. My reading was extremely powerful and jolting to opening my eyes again, and taking a deep breath. My Judgement call came. This is it. This is my last opportunity, next time I slip away for a long time, I won’t come out. The calling energy is here, you either get on board or you don’t. This is the last opportunity. I must do all possible to stay lucid, to stay aware. So focus becomes on how to stay lucid, how to stay conscious and aware of my life. Staying grounded and staying connected, while still having to participate in daily activities of unconscious mind- as they still must be managed. Self care, in the most simplest form- early up, exercise, conscious presence in all decision, slow down, take time to be grounded, to meditate. When tarot cards start popping up and I’m looking at them with “big blank eyes” – I have no clue what you are saying to me- I’m not 5 of cups, or I’m not 4 of cups, or 7 of wands, or even 3 of swords- this is the biggest clue that yes, you are. You have slipped off, you are unconscious and the cards are mirroring it back to you. Denial will get you in trouble, you will further slip away. There is a part of you that must recognize the situation for what it truly is- looking at things you don’t want to look at, becoming interactive with all aspects of your life. Are you going from day to day “waiting for Friday” so you can do nothing productive, so you can “relax”, so you can “please” yourself with Netflix and ice cream. or will you do something worthwhile- like take the time to meditate, take the time to write and reflect. Keep up on the consciousness, checking back with yourself about being awake, getting feedback from yourself- sending yourself signals and responding to them- are both parts of your brain participating, are you aware, are you conscious. When you don’t want to do that- that’s one part taking over the other- your mind is allowing you to fall asleep and has deployed it’s tricks. “Ah, I’ll meditate tomorrow. Or, ergh, I don’t want to balance my bank account today, I’ll worry about it Monday”. This right there- should be your wake up call. This should click in your mind and turn on the defense questions: Wait. Why am I procrastinating again? Am I fully conscious?

Self pity is a slippery slope of the unconscious. Its a quick slide, it’s a quick ride to the bottom of fully unconscious. The victim mentality. “But I’ve worked so hard, I’ve cleaned the whole house today, I’ve taken care of everyone else today, I need downtime. I need to just “veg” on the couch and chill. There is nothing wrong with watching one movie before bed.” I’m at a point where this exactly gets me in trouble. One night turns into the next, and next and next… and after that I’m out like a light. No longer aware, slipped into “victim mentality” of I’m so tired, I’m so exhausted, life is hard, I don’t want to do this anymore, I wasn’t meant to just clean the house, feed my family and pay bills. I’m a spiritual being, I need time for me to read my cards… This is my slippery slope! It’s so eerily similar to the reality that I’m a spiritual being, that I’m more than a housewife and business owner. But the approach to this must be different! Looking at this resentfully, looking at this annoyed and ungrateful (looking at the murky sun from the bottom of the lake, through the water)- doesn’t paint a good picture. But reversing the role, by giving myself time to be conscious, to be up at 4am- not because it’s the right things to do, but because it feels good to be up with Earth and Sun, on their cycles, is empowering. It’s uplifting. I’m taking the time to remember my place in Universe, to take life by the horns and take charge of my consciousness.

My theme card was Chariot. Taking charge, taking control, being willful, being powerful and aware, lucid, the driver- the direction giver, the navigator of consciousness. Taking charge of the situation, rather being unconsciously drag by the situation whichever way it takes you.

My issue is unplugging from life and being irresponsible with my finances. Instead of allowing money to run my life, I need to make the money work for me. Making wise choices, making wise purchases- not cheap, not save a penny here or there- but in general being more conscious of what bills I actually have, how much interest is going somewhere, what useless crap do I tend to buy (aka coffee and take out). Its not about spending $10 for a dance class, it’s about the bigger picture- am I in control of my finances. Does the money serve me? or do I serve it? Its easier to roll over and let it take over. But its worth it to get on it, and ride it.

I struggle remembering how to best connect with my consciousness. I begin to substitute my spirituality with watching Gaia TV, or listening to other’s spiritual wisdom. It will not replace me experiencing it. I can’t experience their wisdom, because it’s not mine. It may make a lot of sense. But the best way is to do it. TO take the time to meditate. To take the time to write and reflect. Not for Ego’s sake (oh I’m so wise.. I have so much knowledge), but for myself, I’m not out to teach anyone anything, but to live my life the best way I know how. My ego needs to settle down. I’m aware of when it starts to get cocky, so that’s a plus. I get too worried about what others will think of my musings, rather than just doing this for myself. I try to make things too official- Let go of the concept that I have to fit it in any sort of a box, it is what it is. Any beginning is a beginning, it doesn’t need to be a perfect one. It doesn’t need to be beautiful and decorated. This is my story and I choose to write it however it serves me best.

My cards showed me the importance of not being lost in Ego land, the land of instant gratification, the wishful thinking, how important to just recognize that all prior mistakes are just water under the bridge, and I must move on. 7 of cups and 5 of cups reversed – their message is to stop dreaming, stop pouting, but pick up the full cups and move on. Cross that bridge, make that commitment and keep walking. Quit coming back to mourn your 5 cups. Live in the present moment. Let it be your departure point into the future, rather than living the past moment, allowing it to define your future.

What do I have to do to stay conscious?

Be on the look out for victim mentality. It’s not enough to just recognize that I’m thinking that way again. It’s necessary to remember that I can’t live in “tomorrow I’ll do better”. The saying “Now is the only time” must be felt and embodied. That means right now, right here I make the choice to be conscious. I’m aware of my actions, I’m aware of the bigger picture of why I’m doing the things I’m doing. I’m aware that I’m not a victim, that I’m doing this for myself, to better myself. By reminding myself that now is my time, I’m pushing myself towards my life path, towards the light. Take the time to remember that each day is the “Now” what I do “now” determines my future path. It is not about “oh I messed up, this will screw me up, I’m so bad..blah blah blah”. It’s about recognizing when you are no longer conscious, and gently lovingly push yourself back to the light, but reminding yourself “Now is that moment”.

When I hear the “mental fog” and things that I think I remember what they mean, but don’t quite “feel” them- let that be an alert. a wake up call. Let that be the perfect time to remember that “now is that moment” to go meditate, to connect with my own consciousness. Love yourself enough to wake yourself up.

Hermit is not about being left alone, or being able to relax, or being able to get away from it all. It’s about taking the time to plug in to your own consciousness, to access where on your path you are. Are you lucid? Are you straying? Hermit is the loving and gentle reminder that you need a re connection with meditation of being “present”. Not a spirit guide, or a lucid dream, or astral projection.. but “NOW” moment. Being aware of your body, being aware of your soul in your mind, being aware of the spiritual being that resides in your body and in your mind. Allow that spiritual being show you the way, light your path and direct you to the higher good. Follow it’s call, this is your judgement. Go with that energy.

Love and light!

Yulia

How?

What would our world be like? If each one of actually cared for others? We say we do, we sympathize, we get sad, we quietly wish the other person well, sometimes we just look the other way, some of us somehow are able to laugh at misfortune of others.

What would it be like, if one day, you were walking down the street, saw a homeless person asking for money, and stopped. Because this is a person. Because he has a story. Because one day, long time ago, they were an innocent child. Someone along the way failed this child by not teaching them what it means to be a good person, didnt teach him how to care. This child was born knowing all of this, but diacouraged along the way of such behavior by sheer example of excat opposite.

What would it be like just to sit down next to the homeless person and ask “Hey bud, what happened in your life that led you right here? What was that turning point? What can I do to help you? I am a human being who sees another human suffering. I can not let it be okay that I just ignore that. I want to see you do well.” Yet, here I am, a hippocrate of a human being… or… wait, am I? I guess i am not. I dont sit next to homeless people, i dont help the more needy, those who lack it all. I help those who lost only something special, or feel they are getting lost, or recently got lost and dont know it. Hmmmm sorry, i digress here, but i geniunly thought i was not a good human being, and then it dawned on me that its okay to not be able help the most needy, I can still be a good person.

Unexpected side turn and discovery of my own realization. But, our world would be bright with happiness for each other, we would literally transform our way of existence. A tarot sequence jumps to my mind…tower and star. Here we are, at a dark time in history of humanity. Granted we dont think that we are. I think in our life time, its easy to be not caring because so much work is done through impersonal phone, email, text…not personal intereaction. A huge change, a shift, in thinking, being, existing, enjoying life is upon us. Right now? Boy, do I feel it, so immensly, so pressing, just just just about to burst. A beautiful beginning is near. But what happens right before a beautiful beginning? An end. Tower card. It can either be a dramatic shift, with a lot of unrest because it happened prematurely, not enough people were ready. Or can be a swift, smooth transition because you just understand this is the new way of how things will be. So you become the change. Right now. Allow your light to shine so bright that it catches in others. It is your duty. Lightworkers? This is a beautiful term. You light the way. You embody that change. You become so filled with love and light for life and existence and all others that exists. That others cant just help, but smile, that will be a smile with the new light, radiant, capable of shining bright enough to ignite the fire in others…and just keep it going. We are at the final push. This must happen right now, shine, shine, shine baby! Find reasons to laugh, to smile, to ne greatful, yo be appreciative, no matter the bad. Feel the glow of life sparkling deep down as you allow yourself to truly enjoy that emotion. Nothing is quite as powerful.

Lightworkers, this is coming out as a message, now is your time to be the change that you want to see. Whether one sees this or many. You alone, you make a difference. That means tomorrow morning, you start being nicer. You make the resolve to not be pissed if someone cuts you off in traffic, or tailgates a little too close. You understand that they are just another human being, who is so lost and confused in this rat race of a life, that they cant think of anyone but themselves. And instead of just judging it, or getting mad, labeling them an asshole, stupid idiot who cant drive, or any other creative name, you just forgive them and wish they will find a moment to lift their nose from the grindstone and understand what they are doing to themselves. Tomorrow morning, you genuinely wish your coffee barista a great day because there is not a reason in the world it shouldnt be. Tomorrow morning, you smile at the checkstand clerk or gas attendant and thank them sincerely. Because everyone feels honesty, and when someone is honestly noticed they feel their soul flutter and wake up just a little more.

 

 

Well..that was unexpected. I just kept typing because the words just kept droping in to my head. I was pondering on one subject and then it turned into a conversation in my head, and then a monologue that wasnt mine. That was pretty cool. I felt the whole message, its urgency and its force, its need tobe delivered and heard.

So…that means… transition is here, put your best foot forward and be the change right now, because the time has come. (Again…not me)

 

Oki doki then. I think i am going to think about this.

Tough transitions

Sometimes in life we have to make calls that aren’t easy for us or for those who are affected by them. Its not easy to make a stand for something you whole-heartedly believe it, and understand that making the tough decision is ultimately in your best interested and in that person’s best interest. That decision is tough because the first and immediate reaction is pain, hurt, stress and separation. The positive intention behind that action is the catalyst for change. It is with the hope that the intention will come to the forth front and shine in all its might, and will make that pain and stress disappear in time. In many cases people get stuck in the “hurt, pain” phase and never make it through to the positive intention; and that is the most painful to see.

We had to let a very good employee go. He has a world of potential in him, but he has some serious growing up to do for now, and during that time he has to be without us tying him down. Some transitions can’t take place while some enabling cords are attached. It’s literally a visual of unplugging the safety cord and seeing if the person flies or fails. It’s terrifying when you find yourself in the position of the one who has to cut the cord, or when you have your cord cut. My heart is literally aching for this guy. I hope he finds his path, finds his way, because if he does – beautiful things will happen in his life. I see it for him, my husband sees it for him.. but he himself is blinded. How terrifying it must be, and how painful it must be to be in the dark place, to have the cord cut..and to not believe that you can fly. Truly sending him the best energies possible to open his eyes and spread his wings.

This was a first for us to have to be put in the position to cut the cord. Knowing from our perspective that it’s the best possible resolution to problem, that it will serve him the highest good if he takes the opportunity to see it as such himself, but also knowing that by making this decision we are putting him in a place where he absolutely must take responsibility for himself. Even knowing that, its hard not to feel some responsibility for whatever may happen next.

From the perspective of “outside looking in” its not that difficult to identify the patterns that emerge in someone else’s life. Self sabotage is a difficult issue to work through as long as one remains unaware that this is indeed is what’s happening. Beginning to do that kind of work is a huge undertaking even for someone who is ready to face their own demons. For situations where life tells you its time to get your stuff together, but you haven’t mentally prepared for it.. its even tougher. Its like watching someone in the water, knowing they have to swim to shore on their own, but fighting every urge to throw them a life vest… its unnatural, but ultimately allows that person to get a grip …or sink. ¬†ūüė¶

The other difficult part is knowing that I can help this person talk through some stuff, help them see things for themselves and get them started on some of their shadow work… but also knowing that offering my help is going to be yet another crutch, and if that person knows what they need to make their life better they will find someone on their own, or they will learn how to work through this stuff on their own.

On that note, love and light to you during this Mercury in Retrograde!

Enjoying joy and how to find it. Feeling emotions and present moment.

I love technology, but hate it at the same time. It is convenient and comfortable, yet it has a giant sideeffect: it takes us out of the present moment. We are not present with all of our senses in the moment where we exist. This minute just went by with you (me, all of us) holding the cell phone in our ¬†hands, walking along with our face buried in it. You aren’t present in your surroundings,you choose to be present in an alternate reality of “phone world of Facebook and instagram”, or choosing to be present in the moment of a life of some stranger like a celebrity that just had a child. You are living someone else’s moments, because you are choosing to not be present within. After a while, this feeling becomes so comfortable that we choose to always be somewhere elese. We check out even in social moments with our loved once by diving into the present (thinking of today’s conversations) or looking ahead (oh I have to do this tomorrow, or I’m dreading that meeting). We ae so used and comfortable being somewhere else that we just change, we become distant, we become annoyed without the access to other reality. We don’t count the present moment. Right here. Right now. Feel yourself present through your body. Take your attention to your feet-what are they doing? Are they comfortable curled up under you like this? Are your legs crossed? Feel them. Feel your behind on the chair or a bed, feel it’s softness or hardness. Feel the muscles in your face, is your forehead crunched up? Right now, take the time to feel your body. Once you are done and are aware look around you. Mentally f eel each item in the room, become aware of its presence. If you have a pet in the room, tap into them-feel their presence, feel their love for you, their joy. Right now,here. Once you are comfrtable with this start doing that with people you love.feel your child’s joy. Feel your child’s sadness. Once you feel you will connect, you will understand them better and what they need from you. Or how you can help them feel and understand their feelings.

More and more you do it, you will see the things that feelgood and things thatdont.you will know when you will benefit from tapping into your present moment. Great tool to improve your daily life. Our society and lifestyle prevents us and our future generations from learning how to just with yourself.our ancestors had plenty of time to be with themselves in the present moment. Their values show us that. We can learn a lot from looking at our ancestors as we people, rather than ancient and not advanced. They were very advanced in the art of self observation. Then something changed.this change came before age of t3chnology, but didn’t affect as many. Once technology became accessible to everyone, we can observe the shift in global consciousness. I think many of us are becoming aware of something being off, but can’t quite identify it.we can’t quite put our fingers on it long enough to remember. Many of us want to wake up, but find it difficult. Truth is, we must learn how to make that change. Our future literally depends on it. We have forgotten what it means to not be a society, what it means to live for ourselves. Not in a selfish manner, but rather we live in cities where the pace of life is insane and we expect ourselves to keep up with it. You remember those peaceful farmers who lived and enjoyed life, until some duke or prince came along and said this is my land now, and you will work for me. But I’m off topic here, I have no political agenda, I just look at the situation from a big picture.

Choose to find the joy in your life. Feel your present moment and remember that all you have is now. Tomorrow is not promised, but don’t be scared of it. Just feel the now. You can pay attention to the scary things in your life or to the good ones. Somehow the good ones always get taken from granted. You don’t benefit from that. Recognize and acknowledge the good in your life. You have a roof over your head? Feel how grateful ¬†you are to be protected from the weather. Instead of “I wish I had 2 bathrooms”. You exist in a reality where thesee two facts are equal in their reality, but you have a choice in what you notice. Which one serves you the most? Certainly not a useless wish. A fact that you are comfortable has more weight in their service to you.

Every detail in your life has the gratitude factor. Find it. Remember it. Feel it often. Tremendous tool in improving your life without physically having to make a change. When you feel grouchy, or frustrated but want to feel better and don’t want to be down: Ackwnoldge your feelings of frustration and sayyes, I feelyou, I respect that you exist, but I can’t dwell on you and wallow in you. I’m going to go wallow in something good because I want to feel better. And go through your gratitude list: appreciate your family members, your friends, your pets, your self, your plants, your house. You are showering not only self with that love, but them also.they will feel it. Howver, I should ¬†clarify that forcing yourself to feel better because “you should” is just wrong. Stay present with your emotion, allow it to feel heard. You will know when you are ready to move on withit. If right now is not the time to feel frustrated (social event, or work) you can say, yes I feel you frustration, and I will give you my time, but right now until 5pm I need to be functional. I am not dismissing you,I’m postponing our encounter. And then do as promised, make time to sit with that feeling, it needs to be processed.

 

But if you learn how to see gratitude through its truest, honest perception your life will drastically improve. You just have to be prepared for that change and have it be something you are welcoming. There are a great deal of people who say they want a better life, but expect life to change on its own, without them doing anything about it. They expect to be handed something great, while they sit there and pout about what they already have. How can you appreciate something new and good, if you don’t know know how to see something good in what you already have? Teach yourself and then you will just encounter things that bring you joy, because you will know how to see it.

 

Love and light!

Being your own teacher

Have you ever paused to think about the miracles of details that had to happen for you to be where you are? Not just the big picture, but the smaller details.

Have you ever had someone say something to you at just the perfect time? Had it been yestrrday, you would not have fully understood the true meaning of it and wouldn’t have acquired the importance that you did today. Think about the fact that every word, every encounter has the potential to have that meaning to uou, if you choose to start paying attention.you would be able to tap into something and see the lessons and purpose behind it all. Tremendous amounts of wisdom, your life lesson, your connections, your mistakes, your wins, everything. Literally everything in your life. There is no judgement, that’s the key to staying sane and objective. Otherwise you could venture on a completely wrong path of selfhate. Stay objective in your observations, see behind them the true value of the word why, not the “well because I made a bad decision, because that’s what I do when I dont think it through. Or because I’m stupid”. Just stop yourself when you get to that point in your observation and think of the true purpose of your observations.

I feel like that is what they mean when they say “look inside yourself, search for the answer within”.

You yourself can be your best teacher. If you choose to start paying attention. You can identify your own triggers, your own weak spots, without judgement but simply because they are. You can change anything about yourself. You can improve yourself and be the best ¬†version of yourself you can be. I feel like this would be the best answer to those struggling with addictions, who want to actively be free of them, but can’t quite figure out how. Being able to put your finger on that exact moment of when you are about to make the choice you will regret, and say “wait a minute, this is what I do that causes me to stay on the same path that I no longer want to be on”, and Just in that moment to say “no, I am in charge of my path, I make a choice today and right now to not go back on that path” and consciously choose to walk away from the situation that is getting to to stray.

I get asked sometimes how did I manage to quit smoking so seemingly easily? Just up and done,that’s it. I’ve gone back once to smoking, I gave myself permission to use it as a crutch through a difficult part in my life, fully knowing that this is all it is, an available tool go help me get through it and that I’d only enjoy it for about a month and then quit again. And I did, when I said to myself I would. No regrets, no sadness,no struggle.

Sometimes I’ll catch myself enjoying a wif of a cigarette, and then remind myself how much I actually hate it (new habit: to find the smoke repulsive). And boom I remember.

To me it’s about visualizing the goal :

Part one: myself without habit of smoking. So I see myself in all the situations and scenarios where I’d normally smoke, but I see myself comfortable and not smoking. That would be driving, after a meal,before bed, on a break..etc

 

Part two: I replay that scenario in my head enough times to feel it through my bones,prepare myself for how it is going to feel to be comfortable with this decision. And then just act. Wake up one morning and say today is the day, and I am excited to begin this chapter of my life. I discard the feelings on doubt, how it’s gonna suck-they simply are not the thoughts that I choose to focus on, shortly they even cease to exist.

I’ve used this technique in many situations in my life. I find joy and pride in the strength of will power that lives in me. And I’m great full to have discovered the access to it.

I know many people feel they can do things, but they lack preparedness tools, and don’t quite know how to find them. But once they do, the world is their oyster.there isn’t anything they can’t do. You are your own best teacher, just be still enough to learn and peer in your heart.

 

Love and light!

When someone says “I’ll pray for you”

Before my spirituality woke up, I got to be the most skeptic and annoyed person when it came to anything religious. I felt like people were pushing it down my throat, when in reality it wasn’t so. Someone just had to mention the words church, god, pray and I immediately when on defence mode. I never questioned myself about it.

Someone would say “you are in my prayers”, and to myself I’d think “uha..yeah..okay..whatever”. Why?? These people were giving me positive energy and I blatantly was too good for it, so I let it slide by. Now someone says those words and I heartfully say thank you and make it a point that evening to spend sometime just receiving the good energy that is being sent my way. Feel the love so to say. Opening yourself up, deliberately to the good is a great practice that immediately makes a positive difference in your life.

You just slow down and bask in all the positive, wishes, thoughts and love that just exists there for you, to tap into, whenever you need it. It is there for every human being, there is always someone who thought of you, wished you well..even if you are homeless and without a family.

This was a profound practice to me personally, feeling the warmth over my soul was calming and reassuring.

 

Love and light!

Healing dreams

I am starting to feel more whole, like I am home, like I Found what i had been looking for, but now I’m just working on actually getting to it.

Energy healing- just those words make my palms heat up and prickle with needles, they make me feel energy currents running through my body and radiating out from bottoms of my feet and palms of my hands. That feeling brings me such joy! I feel with my heart the entire beautiful energy.. and I think, I KNOW I can help people. I am EXCITED to help people. I am GLAD to help people. Allow me to put my hands on you.. let me try! I want to practice, I want to learn more about my gift.

I finally got over my shyness about this, and made a website http://jpcjulia.wixsite.com/energytherapy

I ordered some business cards. I feel confident enough in myself to get to it! I’m starting with my family members and close friends right now, and I am really looking forward to getting my hands on someone other than my husband.

I had yet another dream last night, where I felt and saw that I got another “wind” of healing energy, it was almost like an upgrade.

My first dream happened a couple of months ago, and it was so profound that I decided to sign up for that REiki workshop. In that dream I actually got to FEEL my hands heat up and prickle with energy, and I healed a lot of people. There was a big room full of people waiting, and my hands were hot and prickly.. and I woke up with that feeling my hands. And it has not gone away since. It dissapears when I ‘m doing something completely detached like folding laundry. But the second I think about it, it comes rushing full force.

Yesterday’s dream was another one when I could feel that energy in my hands, and I was shown that the energy can be used for other things like moving objects. Obviously, I can’t do that. But I did feel like that dream was significant and I did receive some “upgrade” to the frequency that I function with. I also dreamt of a interesting cloud formation, that sent down smaller clouds and they were full of electricity and water. I touched one, as it was right above my head, and it buzzed me. It was interesting.

I LOVE dreams like these ones. I love waking up to my hands completely in “on” mode- energy coming out full blast.

So excited to see where this road will lead me!

Love and light!