Tarot: Surprise afternoon with the High Priestess.

I’m not even sure if the word “surprise” describes this correctly. Technically, if the cards tell me some things about my day before my day even begins, what happens shouldn’t be a surprise, right?

I do daily draws- instead of just one card that can be so many things: advice, warning, what’s around me today, what to watch out for, what to contemplate on etc. I choose to do 3 cards for the day: what’s happening around me in the morning, mid-day, and evening. Then I get 1 advice card for the whole day. This gives me the best preview of what my wake up- to noon time will be about, what my noon to 5 will be like, and 5pm to bed time. The advice cards covers the whole day and is applicable to any and all of it.. I feel like if I get an advice card for each part of the day, that’s almost like cheating. C’mon, figure it out yourself, make an effort at least!

So today’s cards were Tower Reversed, High Priestess and Star. Daily advice was 7 of pentacles. I have a special relationship with that card. It’s my “you are a procrastinator” card.. so when it showed up for today’s advice, it puzzled me. You want me to procrastinate to day?? That doesn’t seem right with these 3 important major arcanas sitting right above you… 7 of pentacles, you be crazy. But this card had a different feel to it today energetically. By habit I jumped to “procrastinate” definition, because for me, in any of my readings for myself or others this card hasn’t meant anything else. Today, I felt the card was advising me to take the day slow and steady, and all would make sense. This felt like a much more appropriate interpretation, and it seemed to fit.

Tower Reversed:

This card is suppose to cover “wake up until noon” time frame, but in my experience, the card can represent one particular and important moment in that time frame, rather than the overall feel of that time.  The Tower Rx was definitely about one particular moment. My dear sweet husband, had worked all day Sunday (6am starting), came home for dinner, took an hour break, and went back to work. He came home and crashed into the bed at 4am. (Life of a business owner- we own an asphalt maintenance company). His plan was to get 4-5 hrs of sleep and get back to the new day. However, at 7am I find him getting into the shower: an employee didn’t show up for work, so now he has to go super early. The look on his face of sadness, disappointment, exhaustion, anger- this was my Tower moment. However, once he got in the shower, his phone beeped- that was the employee saying he is on his way and stopped at the store to get supplies we needed for the day. This was the Tower Reversed moment- disaster avoided. My husband, now showered, can go back to bed and sleep some more, which he promptly did. So this was a span of maybe 20 minutes where the Tower loomed up ahead..and then reversed, giving us a much needed break in the day. The rest of my morning was smooth and painless.

High Priestess:

This was the coolest experience! I’ve had moments where the cards of the day were extremely literal and it was a very personal and intimate moment of understanding a card and its message. I’ve never had the High Priestess Experience. Until today.

When I drew the card in the morning, I thought to myself: okay, secret keeper, what do you have in store for me? I thought on all of her messages: hidden agendas, reflecting back to your inner guidance, “you already know”, what’s behind the veil, duality, listening to gut instinct and so on. I decided that she was telling me to spend some time reflecting on myself. My plan for the afternoon was to make a trip into town, about an 1.5hrs away, to get some supplies for the business and help my tired hubby out. I had ample time to think, be still in my mind, and just be present in the moment. To cut to the chase, I arrived to the first location: the man at the counter was all business, getting the order together, getting the paperwork, payment etc. Then something changed, and he started talking to me about his life, and how his journey took him to where he is now and where he hopes to go from here. He must be in his late 50’s, early 60’s, as he mentioned he was considering retiring soon. I listened intently, there was something special at having a complete stranger spill his life story to me. It wasn’t dramatic, he wasn’t looking for sympathy, or laughs, or a shoulder to cry on- his story was a happy one, he talked about joys in his life and how things have worked out for him, he talked about his aspirations and wants in life, he talked about his wife and her life (not nearly detailed as his). It felt like a genuine need to be heard, to be listened to, understood and for joy to be shared and for kind words to be said. This conversation, was mostly a monologue, really. I didn’t say much, except for an occasional “yes, aha”. I maintained eye contact, full of curiosity, compassion, understanding and mostly, a genuine interest in this human being in front of me. He talked for about 20 minutes. At the end, he was really surprised at himself for having shared so much, and he said that somehow he felt so much better and thanked me for talking to him. We ended the conversation by introducing ourselves and shaking hands. (S)

On my way to the next stop I kept thinking at what transpired. All of a sudden, I had a realization “this was the High Priestess moment”. I listened intently, like she does. I didn’t judge or provide commentary. I allowed the person the room and the space to reflect on to their own life. That literally blew my mind.

I arrived at my next location: I decided to stop in at the jewelry store to get my wedding ring inspected and cleaned, as it was due. I always go to the same place where we bought it, and while the staff there changed, there is an older gentleman who has worked there for a long time. I have dealt with him at previous ring cleanings, and he was always polite, but distant, not too interested in engaging in any small talk or weather conversations. He greeted me as I walked in the door, I explained what I needed and he began to help me. He was quiet at first, and when we walked over to the cleaning station, he began talking. At this point, I realized I could have another experience of the High Priestess energy and decided to consciously ride this wave, knowing what I needed to facilitate to allow it to keep happening. He talked for over an hour. He told me about his wife, his dad, his career, his life choices, time in the war, concerns he is faced with at this time. We stood off to the side of the cleaning station, as other employees were walking by, customers coming into the door, but if felt like we didn’t exist, we weren’t there. No one noticed us, no one interrupted us. I allowed for the space for him to reflect on his life, and realize how full of joy it really was. There were a few times he got teary eyed looking back on some memories. It was a beautiful experience. I felt like I was there to facilitate it, as those people needed to reflect on their lives, listen to their inner voices, but my role was very minimal. I barely said a few words during that hour. He wasn’t overbearing, looking to cry, complain or anything of the things you would think of when the person won’t quit talking. This had an entirely different feel. As the hour came to an end, he realized how long he was talking and the conversation drew to a close. We ended our talk with introducing ourselves and shaking hands. (D)

I went on to get lunch at a near by grocery store and pick up a few things. I had to ask an employee where to find the organic bubble bath for kids, as I don’t shop there too often. I could tell the same thing started happening, but unfortunately, I was completely out of time, as I had to pick up my 3 year old from daycare, and still had 1.5 hrs to drive before I got there. I was saddened to have had to end that experience. (Sorry H!)

However, my drive home was full of reflection on the High Priestess and her powers. She is silent, her words aren’t needed. Her attentive eye gaze, that sees the person’s soul, is what does the trick and allows the person to begin exploring what is really in his soul. She listens, she doesn’t judge, agree or disagree- that’s not her job. She creates presence for the person to reflect on themselves, check in with their inner compass, and take the time to examine their map of life.

This is was a deeply personal and intimate afternoon with the High Priestess.

My evening card? Well.. it’s the Star.

As I was walking into the office tonight, my sweet husband was snoring on the couch (as he rightfully should), I had just closed the bedroom door to my son’s room- he was off to dreamland after a busy evening of a bubble bath and lots of books. I shut down the Quickbooks, checked the email, made the list of to-do for tomorrow, and was about to shut off the computer…and then decided, stuff like this doesn’t happen often. I need to write about this…now, where is my blog?

The Star: the card of an artist and writer. She is the muse, the inspiration, the quiet creator of the inspirational fairy dust. Thank you for being my evening card and motivating me to write and share.

7 of pentacles was indeed the most appropriate card of advice for the day. Do things with dedication and purpose and the hard work will pay off. I allowed the time for the experience to take place instead of rushing off to the next thing. I procrastinated, indeed, but in the most rewarding way.

Love and light!

Yulia

Back to connection

Even at the best of times, when I think I’m most connected to my higher self and my consciousness, I get lost. I lose my way all the time, multiple times a day.. sometimes I become aware of it, sometimes I don’t and continue operating under the understanding that I’m connected. I still think I understand what’s going on, that I’m in control and I’m aware, that I’m doing everything in the highest good. Until I have that one wake up call, that I really haven’t been paying attention, thta I am walking around, more like stumbling, with my eyes closed and not interacting with daily life. That I’ve become closed off and unperceptive, that I’ve shut down. However, my mind is so great at masking this from me that I slip in unconsciousness completely unaware that I’m not longer lucid. It’s like losing track of yourself in the lucid dream, somehow you unnoticeably become part of the dream and no longer in charge of it. Life is like a dream, it’s pliable and willing if you are lucid, and it’s dense and muddy when you are not.

Last night’s tarot reading and today’s meditation brought me back to lucidity. My reading was extremely powerful and jolting to opening my eyes again, and taking a deep breath. My Judgement call came. This is it. This is my last opportunity, next time I slip away for a long time, I won’t come out. The calling energy is here, you either get on board or you don’t. This is the last opportunity. I must do all possible to stay lucid, to stay aware. So focus becomes on how to stay lucid, how to stay conscious and aware of my life. Staying grounded and staying connected, while still having to participate in daily activities of unconscious mind- as they still must be managed. Self care, in the most simplest form- early up, exercise, conscious presence in all decision, slow down, take time to be grounded, to meditate. When tarot cards start popping up and I’m looking at them with “big blank eyes” – I have no clue what you are saying to me- I’m not 5 of cups, or I’m not 4 of cups, or 7 of wands, or even 3 of swords- this is the biggest clue that yes, you are. You have slipped off, you are unconscious and the cards are mirroring it back to you. Denial will get you in trouble, you will further slip away. There is a part of you that must recognize the situation for what it truly is- looking at things you don’t want to look at, becoming interactive with all aspects of your life. Are you going from day to day “waiting for Friday” so you can do nothing productive, so you can “relax”, so you can “please” yourself with Netflix and ice cream. or will you do something worthwhile- like take the time to meditate, take the time to write and reflect. Keep up on the consciousness, checking back with yourself about being awake, getting feedback from yourself- sending yourself signals and responding to them- are both parts of your brain participating, are you aware, are you conscious. When you don’t want to do that- that’s one part taking over the other- your mind is allowing you to fall asleep and has deployed it’s tricks. “Ah, I’ll meditate tomorrow. Or, ergh, I don’t want to balance my bank account today, I’ll worry about it Monday”. This right there- should be your wake up call. This should click in your mind and turn on the defense questions: Wait. Why am I procrastinating again? Am I fully conscious?

Self pity is a slippery slope of the unconscious. Its a quick slide, it’s a quick ride to the bottom of fully unconscious. The victim mentality. “But I’ve worked so hard, I’ve cleaned the whole house today, I’ve taken care of everyone else today, I need downtime. I need to just “veg” on the couch and chill. There is nothing wrong with watching one movie before bed.” I’m at a point where this exactly gets me in trouble. One night turns into the next, and next and next… and after that I’m out like a light. No longer aware, slipped into “victim mentality” of I’m so tired, I’m so exhausted, life is hard, I don’t want to do this anymore, I wasn’t meant to just clean the house, feed my family and pay bills. I’m a spiritual being, I need time for me to read my cards… This is my slippery slope! It’s so eerily similar to the reality that I’m a spiritual being, that I’m more than a housewife and business owner. But the approach to this must be different! Looking at this resentfully, looking at this annoyed and ungrateful (looking at the murky sun from the bottom of the lake, through the water)- doesn’t paint a good picture. But reversing the role, by giving myself time to be conscious, to be up at 4am- not because it’s the right things to do, but because it feels good to be up with Earth and Sun, on their cycles, is empowering. It’s uplifting. I’m taking the time to remember my place in Universe, to take life by the horns and take charge of my consciousness.

My theme card was Chariot. Taking charge, taking control, being willful, being powerful and aware, lucid, the driver- the direction giver, the navigator of consciousness. Taking charge of the situation, rather being unconsciously drag by the situation whichever way it takes you.

My issue is unplugging from life and being irresponsible with my finances. Instead of allowing money to run my life, I need to make the money work for me. Making wise choices, making wise purchases- not cheap, not save a penny here or there- but in general being more conscious of what bills I actually have, how much interest is going somewhere, what useless crap do I tend to buy (aka coffee and take out). Its not about spending $10 for a dance class, it’s about the bigger picture- am I in control of my finances. Does the money serve me? or do I serve it? Its easier to roll over and let it take over. But its worth it to get on it, and ride it.

I struggle remembering how to best connect with my consciousness. I begin to substitute my spirituality with watching Gaia TV, or listening to other’s spiritual wisdom. It will not replace me experiencing it. I can’t experience their wisdom, because it’s not mine. It may make a lot of sense. But the best way is to do it. TO take the time to meditate. To take the time to write and reflect. Not for Ego’s sake (oh I’m so wise.. I have so much knowledge), but for myself, I’m not out to teach anyone anything, but to live my life the best way I know how. My ego needs to settle down. I’m aware of when it starts to get cocky, so that’s a plus. I get too worried about what others will think of my musings, rather than just doing this for myself. I try to make things too official- Let go of the concept that I have to fit it in any sort of a box, it is what it is. Any beginning is a beginning, it doesn’t need to be a perfect one. It doesn’t need to be beautiful and decorated. This is my story and I choose to write it however it serves me best.

My cards showed me the importance of not being lost in Ego land, the land of instant gratification, the wishful thinking, how important to just recognize that all prior mistakes are just water under the bridge, and I must move on. 7 of cups and 5 of cups reversed – their message is to stop dreaming, stop pouting, but pick up the full cups and move on. Cross that bridge, make that commitment and keep walking. Quit coming back to mourn your 5 cups. Live in the present moment. Let it be your departure point into the future, rather than living the past moment, allowing it to define your future.

What do I have to do to stay conscious?

Be on the look out for victim mentality. It’s not enough to just recognize that I’m thinking that way again. It’s necessary to remember that I can’t live in “tomorrow I’ll do better”. The saying “Now is the only time” must be felt and embodied. That means right now, right here I make the choice to be conscious. I’m aware of my actions, I’m aware of the bigger picture of why I’m doing the things I’m doing. I’m aware that I’m not a victim, that I’m doing this for myself, to better myself. By reminding myself that now is my time, I’m pushing myself towards my life path, towards the light. Take the time to remember that each day is the “Now” what I do “now” determines my future path. It is not about “oh I messed up, this will screw me up, I’m so bad..blah blah blah”. It’s about recognizing when you are no longer conscious, and gently lovingly push yourself back to the light, but reminding yourself “Now is that moment”.

When I hear the “mental fog” and things that I think I remember what they mean, but don’t quite “feel” them- let that be an alert. a wake up call. Let that be the perfect time to remember that “now is that moment” to go meditate, to connect with my own consciousness. Love yourself enough to wake yourself up.

Hermit is not about being left alone, or being able to relax, or being able to get away from it all. It’s about taking the time to plug in to your own consciousness, to access where on your path you are. Are you lucid? Are you straying? Hermit is the loving and gentle reminder that you need a re connection with meditation of being “present”. Not a spirit guide, or a lucid dream, or astral projection.. but “NOW” moment. Being aware of your body, being aware of your soul in your mind, being aware of the spiritual being that resides in your body and in your mind. Allow that spiritual being show you the way, light your path and direct you to the higher good. Follow it’s call, this is your judgement. Go with that energy.

Love and light!

Yulia